:: Tak Pernah Pakai Eh? ::

Scene 1 :

Pelik sangat ke kalau tengok seorang perempuan menggunakan nail buffer untuk mengilatkan kukunya ketika dalam perjalanan ke opis? Daripada cK ni pandang kiri kanan duk 'termengumpat' dalam hati - "Apsal la akak tu pakai tudung oren, baju ijao" ke..."Mamat ni nguap luas2..busuk plak bau"..baiklah cK dok diam-diam kilatkan kuku. Bukan kuku orang lain pun, kuku sendiri kan? Mana tau leh buat cermin plak pasni. Yang korang nak pandang sinis, siap cebik2 tu pasai apa? Jakun? Ke dok terbayang scene cliche kengkonon cK ni cam seketeri hot yang dok kikis2 kuku time boss mengader  order keje? Tak pernah pakai eh?

Scene 2:

Seorang lelaki yang agak ke depan perotnya mengganggu pemandangan saya kerana...dia tidak memakai tali pinggang. Kesian saya tengok pinggang seluar tu berlipat-lipat. dan kelihatan seperti tunggu masa untuk tetas sahaja. Untuk kamu, cK cadangkan untuk pakai seluar cerut saja. Lebih santai kot? Ke..kamu memang tak kenal tali pinggang langsung? Tak pernah pakai eh?

Scene 3:

Dialog sayu dari orang yang dah bertahun-tahun kerja kat kota metropolitan KL (katanya) :

"Eh, u bole tolong i fax menda ni tak?"
"Pakai la fax yang tu. Ok je"
"Errr...errr....you tolonglah I fax kan"
"Bagi nombor"
"Ha...nombor dia...03....."

Kesimpulan :
a. Dia takmo ngaku yang dia tak reti pakai fax
b. Nak fax dalam KL gak kena dail 03 meh?

Tak pernah pakai eh? Tak tahu guna eh? Tak pernah amik tahu camne nak fax eh?


For all the above, I feel  sorry for you guys. Learn, while you can.

:: Kuku Panjang Di Jari Kelingking ::

Seperti mana hari-hari yang lain, cK naik LRT ke tempat kerja. Ya, saya masih lagi tergedik-gedik nak naik tren 4 koc ya. Lebih sejuk dah rasa best jer compare to 2 koc. Walaupun kadang2 ada orang yang lebih gemar naik 2 koc atas alasan dorang leh senggol-senggol, gesel2 apa yang patut...tidak untuk saya. Tak rela diri ini  dimolest sebegitu rupa ya. 

Sampai kat stesen yang ramai orang tu...naiklah satu group. Tengok dressing masing-masing, cK rasa ni muka2 budak audit ni. Smart, tapi muda lah kan. Pehtu bawak beg sandang kaler itam. Kalau betol, memang cK terrer. Miahahaha....Kalau tak betol pun, cK tetap terrer dan terror. 

Dalam ramai2 ni, ada dua orang lelaki yang menarik perhatian cK. Bukan kerana hensem...tapi gara2 kuku dijari kelingkingnya yang bisa digunapakai untuk menyukat garam masakan. Dah sampai melengkung ya, kawan-kawan. I dun get it. Kalau perempuan tu, kitaorang bela kuku - semua ya. Takla pulak main pilih2. Pastu kitaorang siap gi mani, padi lagi nak jaga. Paling busuk pun, mesti ada buffer. 

Tapi, cik abang berdua ni...kuku dah agak kuning ya warnanya. Yang tak best, bila ada salah sorang yang melombong di hadapan pubic ..errrr silap... maksud saya public! Seronok eh dapat peluang mengorek di khalayak ramai ni? C'mon...itu kan patut jadi waktu intimate antara diri dan anggota badan. Ni tak, lagi nak tayang2..

Pastu, siap leh pegang batang dia besi kat dalam tren tu. Ada gak kes yang dorang pegang pemegang tangan yang tergantung-gantung tu. Apakah!? Imagine ada berapa banyak kuman kat situ? Aaaahhh!!! Kesimpulan : Sila pakai sanitizer di mana saja anda berada kerana hasil lekit dari lombongan orang lain lebih meloyakan dari hingus sendiri. Errrghh! Bluwerk!

:: Are You Smarter Than The 5th Grader? ::

I know Mathematics can be so hard to be figured out. Most of us are satisfied should they be able to solve a simple math problem. You are consider ok if you know how to subtract, plus - that basic. You are awesome if you can calculate the percentage, deal with decimal points and those formulas.

In most time, we do rely on our best fren, the calculator to solve the calculation. After all, that's the reason it been invented, isn't it?

Allow me, my dear friend to test your skills and understanding in Math with few situations and we shall see which category would you belong to. The average Jane / Joe, Below The 5th Grader or you are proven smarter than the 5th Grader.

Situation 1

I have 6 classes running at the same time comprising two different modules which been divided fairly between both module A and module B. Should i re-group my module A group of people to two large groups, what would be the total number of classes running for the day?

Your answer : ______________

Situation 2

I am paying a total sum of RM1K to my lecturer for each Algebra session which runs every Friday for the period of 5 months with 5 recurrence. Assuming I have 5 lecturers taking 5 classes every week and one month is equal to 4 weeks, calculate :

1. Total payout to my lecturers for a month.

2. Total payout for the whole course period. 

Your answer : ______________

Situation 3

A faulty projector unit from Room X were replaced with the unit taken from Room Y which is still well functioned. Question : 

Will these action affect your Fixed Asset entry and resulted a non-tally numbers to the mentioned ?

Your answer : ______________

Situation 4

Polo shirt = 20% discount

Jeans = 20% discount

Sexy leather jacket = 20% discount

Cute top = 20% discount

Leopard print legging = 20% discount

What is the total discount of all the above?

Your answer : ______________

Are your ready for the real deal? Please note that the same set of questions have been given to a reputable (claimed to be) ACCA holder. Here comes the answer :

Situation1

Experts answer : 2

Did you get the same answer as the experts does? You don't? Seriously?! Relax! If you do, please help your self by buying an exercise books meant for Standard 1&2.

The correct answer would be 5. Why? Thou I have re-group Group A from 3 classes to 2 classes, i still have my Group B of 3 classes running at the same time. So, the Math will be 2 + 3 = 5.

Situation 2

Experts answer : 5k for one month, 20k for 5 months, 100k for 5 recurrence

Geez...The calculation must be broken. Lets do the Math people...

Total number of lecturers per week : 5

Total payout per person : RM1k

Total payout per week for all = RM1k x 5 lecturers = RM5k

Total payout per month = RM5k x 4 weeks = RM20k

Total payout for 5 months = RM20k x 5 months = RM 100k

Total payout for 5 recurrence = RM100k x 5 = RM500k

Did you manage to get that right? Congratulations. You may now call yourself a match expert.

Situation 3

Experts answer : Definitely! Sure lari. Tak tally lagi!

The truth and logic : Says who? It doesn't matter. If its broken, spoiled..get it fix. Don't just sit and look. You will never achieve anything by waiting.

Situation 4

Experts answer : 100%. Its free.

The truth and logic : Hell NO! Total up everything and you will be given 20% discount on the total purchase. That's all you can get. NO such things as FREE.

So, whats your score? Did your get ALL right? If you didn't, don't feel bad. You are just as smart as the ACCA peeps. Make me wonder, why need ACCA when you, the ordinary chap can calculate as efficient and accurate like them.

Still, if you do get all answers correctly, congratulations! You are the real deal. For this, i salute u.

:: Bergomol. Bercakar.Berjalan ::

Last weekend cK sempat lah bergomol. Gomol-gomol manja gitu, tak lemas pun. Biasalah budak baru nak naik, excited je lebih. Macam-macam aksi dia buat. Yang melengkung, yang meniarap, terjun tiruk, macam-macam lah. Terhibur je hati bila dapat merasa aksi-aksi pelbagai ni kan. Bukan selalu plak tu dapat peluang. Time-time cuti hujung minggu je pun nak test skill.

But i guess, too much of something memang tak bagus kot? Yelah...mana boleh tahan bergomol sakan. Semput la jugak. Kot kalau geli-geli tu..lama-lama tak geli dah. Rasa nak maki je kot. Nasiblah dia ni tak banyak bunyi. Dia geget je bila temper. Tak pun, dia buat ala2 cakar rimau dia. Mula-mula tak perasan sangat, alih2 dah petang tu baru la nampak bercalar sini sana. Giler ganas kamu ni. Tapi takper, untuk dia cK rela.

Dah penat bergomol sampai nak pengsan, kenalah rehatkan minda. Jalan-jalan adalah cara terbaik untuk mereleasekan tensen dan penat. So kiut bila cK tengok kamu gabra dalam kereta. Serba serbi tak kena gaya. Ya, cK tawu...kamu jakun sebenarnya. Kan?

Ala...sayang Toby!

:: One Word ::

Bila pagi-pagi datang kerja dengan semangat waja, tapi tiba-tiba dengar suara sumbang dari lorong belakang....

Bila Dr. Love kata nak call back, tapi tunggu punya tunggu langsung henpon tak kuar bunyi hatta sekuat cengkerik pon...

Bila barang-barang gwe korang main amik dan buat macam harta sendiri tanpa segan silu dan tak minta izin dulu...

Bila ko pandai-pandai abiskan udang, sotong dalam pinggan sebab ingat gwe tak suka sedangkan gwe save the best for last...

Bila orang sibuk-sibuk propa gwe tak kawen sebab gwe ni menyinga tak kena tempat...

Bila ko kata A tapi ko buat B pehtu ko kadang-kadang jadi C...

Bila aku dah semput tak sempat bernafas, ko dok sedap jalan macam siput terdengkut2...

Ketahuilah bahawasanya, itu semua sudah cukup untuk menjadikan gwe.....

:: Jenis-jenis Gelak Ketawa ::

Setelah sekian lama pemerhatian dilakukan dengan tekun, cK berjaya mengenal pasti beberapa jenis gelak ketawa yang ada disekeliling kita. Ianya mungkin kedengaran sama, tapi hakikatnya tujuan/sebab dan akbiat dari gelak tawa itu ada pelbagai. Tak caya, korang try baca.

1. Gelak sinis

• Pendek. Tak sampai dua harkat. 
• Selalunya berbunyi 'Heh' dan diikuti gerakan bibir atas yang agak terangkat dibahagian sudut kiri.
• Kerap kedengaran bila ada unsur-undur ketidak puasan hati tentang sesuatu.

2. Gelak terpaksa 

• Tidak berbunyi.
• Lebih kepada senyum.
• Bibir akan cenderung untuk herot ke kanan dan bertahan untuk berberapa saat seolah2 seronok mendengar cerita yang disampaikan.
• Terjadi apabila individu bosan dengan cerita mebangga diri dan cerita yang repeat berkali-kali.

3. Gelak ikhlas

• Selalunya berbunyi "Ha ha."
• Hanya berkadar 2-3 harkat.
• Akan mengakibatkan bukaan mulut yang sederhana luasnya dan seketika. 
• Kerap berlaku bila seseorang merasa lucu dan tulus bergembira.

4. Gelak tak hengat

• Hilai tawa boleh mencecah berharkat2 lamanya.
• Kadang-kala bebunyi "Muahahhaha"...ada juga "Wakakakakaka"
• Ia boleh berhenti seketika dan bersambung semula tidak lama kemudian. 
• Ianya sering diikuti dengan titisan air mata kegembiraan yang tidak terkata.
• Ada juga unsur-unsur kurang oksigen / sesak nafas gara2 penggunaan udara yang banyak.
• Gelak berpunca dari unsur-unsur mendajalkan orang-orang sekitar

5. Gelak dibuat-buat

• Tak berapa panjang, tak berapa pendek.
• He he he...atau kih kih kih...
• Sukar dipastikan niat sebenar - boleh jadi sekadar mengambil hati atau menyakitkan hati
• Volume kurang kuat dan selalunya tone agak mendatar

6. Gelak munafik

• Raja segala gelak
• Hilaian yang boleh memeranjatkan pontianak
• Desibel yang maha tinggi dan boleh mengakibatkan pekak sementara
• Selalu terjadi di opis-opis keparat oleh durjana  kelas atasan
• Mengakibatkan tindakan susulan seperti jelingan tajam, rasa meluat tahap gaban pada para pendengar

7. Gelak tak bley blah

• Respon pada gelak no 6.
• Amat ringkas dan berbunyi "Ho Ho Ho"
• Terzahir secara natural kerana meluat tengok si durjana kelas atasan
• Kadang kala turut digunakan oleh Mr Santa Claus ketika Christmas

Now that u know, bila gelak tu ingat-ingat la ye. Da gak gelak-gelak lain yang tak masuk dalam list ni : Gelak guling2 (dalam YM), gelak dekah-dekah (konon2 kelakar, tapi taklah sangat), gelak manja (ni bila gopren nak apa2 kat bopren). Tak semua orang suka bila dengar kita gelak tak tentu pasal.Apa-apa pun, renungkan baris dibawah ini :

Sabda Baginda saw : "Banyak ketawa itu mematikan hati dan melalaikan daripada mengingati akhirat dan mempusakai marah dalam hati".  

:: Good Future Vs. Good Number ::

When you said "Yes, its renewable with the same terms and condition".

I heard "Yes, please update your resume and be else where"

Its as simple as that. Good future comes with good numbers too. If i failed to see that coming in any near future, i cant see how you, me or us comes in picture. 

I treasure each and every moment i had. Still every journey should lead us somewhere. Somewhere where you can enjoy and believe that you can stay for a longer period of time instead of being an underpaid multi-tasker (read: professional slave) for nothing. 

I got nothing to hide. I've told you what need to be told. And it's not the first time. Yes, i am serious. I got nutin to loose, but you....You just need to do the right move.

:: Sampai Bila? ::

Dah seminggu berlalu macam tu.

Dari seminggu, pasni sebulan, pastu dua, tiga bulan berlalu

Patah tumbuh hilang berganti kata orang dulu-dulu.

Tapi terus-terang aku tak nampak apa-apa akan berlaku.

Sampai bila nak harapkan aku?

Sampai bila nak buat aku tertunggu-tunggu?

Sampai bila agaknya nak perah aku?

Sampai bila!!!!

Sampai aku naik berbulu?

Sampai aku sumpah kau bertalu-talu2?

Sampai segala caci maki aku dah tak lut lagi untukmu?

Sampai masa aku gulingkan kamu?

:: Shoe Attack ::

Venue : Hall 4, Putra World Trade Centre
Mission : Malaysia International Shoe Exhibition 2010

Normal lady will go gugu gaga over heels, stilettos, wedges, gladiator, pump, peak toes or should simplify = SHOES. Being normal, i spent my weekend 'pusing-pusing' the exhibition hall  to see whats so special about this event despite the fact, it is the first of its kind.

Below are my personal finding and thoughts. Do not take it too seriously as it was not meant to offend anyone, the designer included.

A. The Torn Among Roses.

Untuk sesiapa yang kerja malam, dan sering pulang lewat. This is a perfect choice for you, lady. Dengan sekali sepakan, bayangkan betapa seriusnya injury yang bakal terjadi. You can choose to kick him at his butt, face or maybe sumwhere more private.

B. Against Fur but Feather Supporter

People are making so much noise when you wear fur. Kejam la, takde hati perut and stuff. Now, you have option. Opt for feather. You can have it in yellow, red, blue - you name it. The most common one would be black i guess? C'mon, crow is everywhere right?


C. Clueless With Money

Shoes can be luxury. For such amount, most people will buy a house/condo (where they can live or maybe rent it) or a car (so that they can drive and let others envy them)..or maybe a man could possibly spent it to their ex-wife as for divorce settlement. But you, you go for style. And you are not just anybody. Might be somebody's wifey (the multi-billionaire) or the mistress, never single. Still, we can never tell.

Or maybe this one? Anyone?

D. A girl Trapped in A Woman's Body

:: I've Met Carl's Junior, But Where's The Senior? ::

Ok, admit. A bit jakun as it was the first time i tried Carl's Jr. Previously i heard my ex-boss was mumbling about how hard for him to finish his bite. Dah kalau lelaki pun susah nak habiskan, yang femfuan-femfuan anggun cam me ngan Leq ni lagi la parah. 

So we ordered the combo meals. If im not mistaken, it was number 6 and 11 on the menu. Cant recall whats the name of the meal. Being a real carnivore, mine would be beef and Leq settled with her choice of chicken sandwich. Yang pasti, medium set ye kawan-kawan. 

When we get our order, rasa nak pengsan pun ada. How on earth we gonna eat all that. Lucky, after a long walk from LRT to PWTC then to KTM then tawaf Mid Valley for like 3 floors..we manage to finish our meal. Senak perot beb. Tercungap-cungap pun ada. I thought Burger King's Whooper is tough, Carl's even worst ok. Ngan patty yang tebal, cheese yang melted beria...pickles yang korang leh buh sesuka hati, plus the union rings...Gosh! Ni makan ke melahap!?

Ni kalau memang berlapo dari pagi, besarlah kemungkinan nak menyantap sesedap rasa. Tapi, kalau rasa nak gi dating manja-manja sambil makan Carl's ni...toksahla weih. Buang tenaga. Mau hilang cun korang. Silap-silap, lagi dua tiga tahun..mau masuk Biggest Looser Asia. Ohh, so not me. I am so not going to Carl's Jr ever again. 

Cuma, bila orang kata "Ko pernah makan Carl's?". Sedap la sikit bila jawapannya "Ha, penah. Kenyang giler". Taklah rasa jakun sangat kot? Selain dari serving yang memang tahap lapar maksima, harganya juga tidaklah murah. Jadi, jika difikirkan sedalam-dalamnya, mengapakah kita harus membayar dengan harga yang tinggi semata-mata untuk menggemukkan badan? So, better spent your money on salad ke fruit ke...or else, McD pon ok. Lepas la 2 kali makan...

Apa-apa, tepok perut masing-masing sambil jeling kocek. Hiks!

:: The Therapy, My Way ::

What if your day was in a total mess and your boss seems like didn't care at all?

What if you miss someone so badly and feels sick just to hear the name being mentioned?

What if you keep hearing 'third voice' all day and your brain starts to pick some image of certain things which triggers your desire?

What if your partner in work resigned and you have to absorb everything in just one night?

A cry for help, tears of hope.

Sit back, relax.

Sometime pills does not makes you feel better, but you can try any of these :

A. Spend time with people who loves you (or hate you once a while)

B. Buy yourself a set of Delifrance - Gratin Set of Creole Chicken serves with Soup of the Day, Sweet Pudding and yes, drinks included. All for RM16.90 ++.

C. Indulge your taste buds with creamy vanilla ice cream topped with fruit cocktails and natta de'coco.

D. If you consider yourself a lady who needs to be pampered with a good move, go and buy shoe/s.

Nice eh? Well...those works fine on me. Feel free to experienced it yourself. Hiks!