:: Tak Pernah Pakai Eh? ::

Scene 1 :

Pelik sangat ke kalau tengok seorang perempuan menggunakan nail buffer untuk mengilatkan kukunya ketika dalam perjalanan ke opis? Daripada cK ni pandang kiri kanan duk 'termengumpat' dalam hati - "Apsal la akak tu pakai tudung oren, baju ijao" ke..."Mamat ni nguap luas2..busuk plak bau"..baiklah cK dok diam-diam kilatkan kuku. Bukan kuku orang lain pun, kuku sendiri kan? Mana tau leh buat cermin plak pasni. Yang korang nak pandang sinis, siap cebik2 tu pasai apa? Jakun? Ke dok terbayang scene cliche kengkonon cK ni cam seketeri hot yang dok kikis2 kuku time boss mengader  order keje? Tak pernah pakai eh?

Scene 2:

Seorang lelaki yang agak ke depan perotnya mengganggu pemandangan saya kerana...dia tidak memakai tali pinggang. Kesian saya tengok pinggang seluar tu berlipat-lipat. dan kelihatan seperti tunggu masa untuk tetas sahaja. Untuk kamu, cK cadangkan untuk pakai seluar cerut saja. Lebih santai kot? Ke..kamu memang tak kenal tali pinggang langsung? Tak pernah pakai eh?

Scene 3:

Dialog sayu dari orang yang dah bertahun-tahun kerja kat kota metropolitan KL (katanya) :

"Eh, u bole tolong i fax menda ni tak?"
"Pakai la fax yang tu. Ok je"
"Errr...errr....you tolonglah I fax kan"
"Bagi nombor"
"Ha...nombor dia...03....."

Kesimpulan :
a. Dia takmo ngaku yang dia tak reti pakai fax
b. Nak fax dalam KL gak kena dail 03 meh?

Tak pernah pakai eh? Tak tahu guna eh? Tak pernah amik tahu camne nak fax eh?


For all the above, I feel  sorry for you guys. Learn, while you can.

:: Kuku Panjang Di Jari Kelingking ::

Seperti mana hari-hari yang lain, cK naik LRT ke tempat kerja. Ya, saya masih lagi tergedik-gedik nak naik tren 4 koc ya. Lebih sejuk dah rasa best jer compare to 2 koc. Walaupun kadang2 ada orang yang lebih gemar naik 2 koc atas alasan dorang leh senggol-senggol, gesel2 apa yang patut...tidak untuk saya. Tak rela diri ini  dimolest sebegitu rupa ya. 

Sampai kat stesen yang ramai orang tu...naiklah satu group. Tengok dressing masing-masing, cK rasa ni muka2 budak audit ni. Smart, tapi muda lah kan. Pehtu bawak beg sandang kaler itam. Kalau betol, memang cK terrer. Miahahaha....Kalau tak betol pun, cK tetap terrer dan terror. 

Dalam ramai2 ni, ada dua orang lelaki yang menarik perhatian cK. Bukan kerana hensem...tapi gara2 kuku dijari kelingkingnya yang bisa digunapakai untuk menyukat garam masakan. Dah sampai melengkung ya, kawan-kawan. I dun get it. Kalau perempuan tu, kitaorang bela kuku - semua ya. Takla pulak main pilih2. Pastu kitaorang siap gi mani, padi lagi nak jaga. Paling busuk pun, mesti ada buffer. 

Tapi, cik abang berdua ni...kuku dah agak kuning ya warnanya. Yang tak best, bila ada salah sorang yang melombong di hadapan pubic ..errrr silap... maksud saya public! Seronok eh dapat peluang mengorek di khalayak ramai ni? C'mon...itu kan patut jadi waktu intimate antara diri dan anggota badan. Ni tak, lagi nak tayang2..

Pastu, siap leh pegang batang dia besi kat dalam tren tu. Ada gak kes yang dorang pegang pemegang tangan yang tergantung-gantung tu. Apakah!? Imagine ada berapa banyak kuman kat situ? Aaaahhh!!! Kesimpulan : Sila pakai sanitizer di mana saja anda berada kerana hasil lekit dari lombongan orang lain lebih meloyakan dari hingus sendiri. Errrghh! Bluwerk!

:: Are You Smarter Than The 5th Grader? ::

I know Mathematics can be so hard to be figured out. Most of us are satisfied should they be able to solve a simple math problem. You are consider ok if you know how to subtract, plus - that basic. You are awesome if you can calculate the percentage, deal with decimal points and those formulas.

In most time, we do rely on our best fren, the calculator to solve the calculation. After all, that's the reason it been invented, isn't it?

Allow me, my dear friend to test your skills and understanding in Math with few situations and we shall see which category would you belong to. The average Jane / Joe, Below The 5th Grader or you are proven smarter than the 5th Grader.

Situation 1

I have 6 classes running at the same time comprising two different modules which been divided fairly between both module A and module B. Should i re-group my module A group of people to two large groups, what would be the total number of classes running for the day?

Your answer : ______________

Situation 2

I am paying a total sum of RM1K to my lecturer for each Algebra session which runs every Friday for the period of 5 months with 5 recurrence. Assuming I have 5 lecturers taking 5 classes every week and one month is equal to 4 weeks, calculate :

1. Total payout to my lecturers for a month.

2. Total payout for the whole course period. 

Your answer : ______________

Situation 3

A faulty projector unit from Room X were replaced with the unit taken from Room Y which is still well functioned. Question : 

Will these action affect your Fixed Asset entry and resulted a non-tally numbers to the mentioned ?

Your answer : ______________

Situation 4

Polo shirt = 20% discount

Jeans = 20% discount

Sexy leather jacket = 20% discount

Cute top = 20% discount

Leopard print legging = 20% discount

What is the total discount of all the above?

Your answer : ______________

Are your ready for the real deal? Please note that the same set of questions have been given to a reputable (claimed to be) ACCA holder. Here comes the answer :

Situation1

Experts answer : 2

Did you get the same answer as the experts does? You don't? Seriously?! Relax! If you do, please help your self by buying an exercise books meant for Standard 1&2.

The correct answer would be 5. Why? Thou I have re-group Group A from 3 classes to 2 classes, i still have my Group B of 3 classes running at the same time. So, the Math will be 2 + 3 = 5.

Situation 2

Experts answer : 5k for one month, 20k for 5 months, 100k for 5 recurrence

Geez...The calculation must be broken. Lets do the Math people...

Total number of lecturers per week : 5

Total payout per person : RM1k

Total payout per week for all = RM1k x 5 lecturers = RM5k

Total payout per month = RM5k x 4 weeks = RM20k

Total payout for 5 months = RM20k x 5 months = RM 100k

Total payout for 5 recurrence = RM100k x 5 = RM500k

Did you manage to get that right? Congratulations. You may now call yourself a match expert.

Situation 3

Experts answer : Definitely! Sure lari. Tak tally lagi!

The truth and logic : Says who? It doesn't matter. If its broken, spoiled..get it fix. Don't just sit and look. You will never achieve anything by waiting.

Situation 4

Experts answer : 100%. Its free.

The truth and logic : Hell NO! Total up everything and you will be given 20% discount on the total purchase. That's all you can get. NO such things as FREE.

So, whats your score? Did your get ALL right? If you didn't, don't feel bad. You are just as smart as the ACCA peeps. Make me wonder, why need ACCA when you, the ordinary chap can calculate as efficient and accurate like them.

Still, if you do get all answers correctly, congratulations! You are the real deal. For this, i salute u.